I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
