I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
