Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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