he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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