Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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