you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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