dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife