Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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