I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? đđ
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
