Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"

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  (704): I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful" http://tfl.nu/hdrb
  Replies (26) Good night (5939) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.

  (1-607): View more from New York

  I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.

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  (607): Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom. (1-607): I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts. http://tfl.nu/s0vw
  Replies (15) Good night (2245) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm in love with you.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  huh?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.

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  (860): I'm in love with you. (1-860): huh? (860): Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it. http://tfl.nu/in9v
  Replies (14) Good night (3052) Bad night (644)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.

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  (304): I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed. http://tfl.nu/knrb
  Replies (25) Good night (5630) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes

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  (902): You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes http://tfl.nu/flaw
  Replies (26) Good night (1829) Bad night (4072) Order T-Shirt
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her

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  (228): She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her http://tfl.nu/4rsn
  Replies (15) Good night (3272) Bad night (1541) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break

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  (330): I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break http://tfl.nu/u8kr
  Replies (38) Good night (8965) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.

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  (207): And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition. http://tfl.nu/ff1h
  Replies (4) Good night (1032) Bad night (2460) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash

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  (916): Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash http://tfl.nu/rtwe
  Replies (9) Good night (2138) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.

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  (856): i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is. http://tfl.nu/k9ab
  Replies (13) Good night (945) Bad night (2473)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.

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  (508): I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember. http://tfl.nu/6qay
  Replies (22) Good night (1379) Bad night (739)
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  (+35): View more from

  I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act

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  (+35): I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act http://tfl.nu/3xru
  Replies (5) Good night (861) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.

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  (541): They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay. http://tfl.nu/px2q
  Replies (6) Good night (1180) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.

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  (847): I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina. http://tfl.nu/1g8w
  Replies (8) Good night (628) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..

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  (303): That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end.. http://tfl.nu/ockn
  Replies (19) Good night (415) Bad night (1302) Order T-Shirt

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