Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year

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(847): my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year http://tfl.nu/4eng

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(714): View more from California

He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings

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(714): He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings http://tfl.nu/vyv5

Replies (63) Good night (2549) Bad night (663)
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(512): View more from Texas

We need a plan...

(1-512): View more from Texas

Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.

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(512): We need a plan... (1-512): Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan. http://tfl.nu/879h

Replies (36) Good night (6475) Bad night (885)
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(510): View more from California

just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?

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(510): just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i? http://tfl.nu/gdnc

Replies (7) Good night (3667) Bad night (946)
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(310): View more from California

I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.

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(310): I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in. http://tfl.nu/n54h

Replies (6) Good night (5892) Bad night (831)
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(757): View more from Virginia

so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?

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(757): so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you? http://tfl.nu/s3jk

Replies (7) Good night (2912) Bad night (862)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am

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(724): I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am http://tfl.nu/gygo

Replies (8) Good night (1600) Bad night (806)
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(317): View more from Indiana

I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?

(467): View more from

I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?

(317): View more from Indiana

Can you ship it to me then?

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(317): I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink? (467): I moved out 2 weeks ago remember? (317): Can you ship it to me then? http://tfl.nu/bovq

Replies (4) Good night (2413) Bad night (650)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night

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(262): Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night http://tfl.nu/r3zi

Replies (2) Good night (1299) Bad night (422)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.

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(414): Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina. http://tfl.nu/fwb5

Replies (5) Good night (455) Bad night (1328)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA

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(413): They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA http://tfl.nu/xggi

Replies (3) Good night (1073) Bad night (489)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer

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(608): There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer http://tfl.nu/wkr0

Replies (5) Good night (1270) Bad night (387)
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(847): View more from Illinois

So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.

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(847): So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along. http://tfl.nu/d3ni

Replies (2) Good night (542) Bad night (227)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.

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(412): In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is. http://tfl.nu/p6qy

Replies (3) Good night (640) Bad night (208)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after

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(602): I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after http://tfl.nu/x9h9

Replies (0) Good night (403) Bad night (257)

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