I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.