At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle