Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.