his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
