Your mouth is God's brothel.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
