Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
