Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
