On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
