hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
