physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
