i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
