Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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