just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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