We won't sleep together?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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