I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
