How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
