Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
