i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
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if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
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we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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