Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We smell like vodka and hangover
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