It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
