Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
