Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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