your parents love me but you hate me
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
