There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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