i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
