I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
