You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
