Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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