You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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