He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
