All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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