he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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