Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
