I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
