either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
