omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
false alarm, still single
Randomize
