He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
