You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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