Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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