I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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