Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
