beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
