thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
