you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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