That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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