I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
