Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
