How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
