I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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