my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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