Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
