yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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