Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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