dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
