I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
