Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
