After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
