You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
