Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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