I need help removing her.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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