Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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