I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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