Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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