WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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