I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So much Jack, so little girl.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
