The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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