video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
