East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
