Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Mom said you looked used
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize