i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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